Thank you, Kimberly. Humor truly works. My wife laughs along with me from my jokes. I never miss an opportunity. It definitely diffuses any possible anxiety on her part, especially in challenging personal situations.
Sammie, your positive attitude often makes all the difference. None of the "experts" has all the answers since each person afflicted is unique in how their bodies respond to what is happening to them mentally.
My wife and I had lived in a Senior Living facility for four and a half years. We were in the Independent Living section and met a fellow whose wife was in memory care at the time. His wife had been diagnosed with Alzheimer's 19 years earlier and had progressed from a point of being able to do nearly all physical activity herself to the state where she was totally wheelchair bound and not capable of any normal tasks.
He spent much of his time with her but was wise enough to recruit the assistance of aides when her care became too much for him. By the time we met him, he needed aides every day, multiple times a day (he was 83).
We left that facility and have been living in a regular apartment for the past four years. My wife's condition began deteriorating long before we left there but the writing was on the wall about the level of care she would have received if suddenly I were out of the picture.
Reluctantly I agreed to her being placed under Home Hospice Care a year after we moved. That came with both weekly nurse visits and aides 2-3 times per week. I resisted getting aides to help (motivated more by my own ego than other reasons) but soon discovered that their training enabled them to do personal care far more efficiently and effectively than I could. I learned a lot and was able to provide better care for my wife the four days a week when the aides were off. She was discharged from HHC less than a year later and we enjoyed about 18 months of manageable care before a relapse caught us off guard earlier this year. She is once again on HHC but now it is more in line with comfort care rather than restorative care.
You're still in a good situation with your wife because she can do so much on her own. I know you treasure that even with the setbacks that accompany the condition.
This is such an honest and true expression of what life with Alzheimer’s and dementia can be like. I have truly learned along the way and made many mistakes too!
I love how you took the time to earn her trust and how you respected her feelings and tried to preserve her dignity. Great lessons for me as mom is still able to take care of her daily living activities. Humor is a great way to diffuse anxiety. I'm learning that one daily. 😌 I look forward to hearing more. Thanks and I'm praying for you both. 🙏
Thank you, Sammie. You are further along on this journey than I am and I found this post very helpful. I am grateful that my husband’s trust in me is also strong. I realize it will be critical to maintain that trust as his disease progresses and his needs become greater. I pray I can care for him as well as you are caring for your dear wife.
So much of what you beautifully write goes well beyond Alzheimer's home caregivers, your target group. I believe there's not a home caregiver reading and thinking who wouldn't benefit from your trust-building and gentle, ongoing communication that cements your relationship and captures what's happening in the moment. Your love, care, and concern shine through every word, thought, and action. Thank you for sharing from your heart and helping so many caregivers.❤
These are invaluable insights for anyone caring for someone, Sammie.
It's difficult at the start trying to build that trust, and make showering or toileting a 'routine' matter of fact, act. It can be especially awkward for an adult child caring for their parent.
When I think back to the early days of caring for Dad, it was very much as you describe, narrating, asking, reassuring. All to create the same sequence of actions every time.
Later, we'd repeated the sequence so many times that we both did it without thinking - the comfort and familiarity of a well-established routine are priceless. I see this in many of the articles you've shared with us, too, Sammie.
Thank you, Kimberly. Humor truly works. My wife laughs along with me from my jokes. I never miss an opportunity. It definitely diffuses any possible anxiety on her part, especially in challenging personal situations.
Sammie, your positive attitude often makes all the difference. None of the "experts" has all the answers since each person afflicted is unique in how their bodies respond to what is happening to them mentally.
My wife and I had lived in a Senior Living facility for four and a half years. We were in the Independent Living section and met a fellow whose wife was in memory care at the time. His wife had been diagnosed with Alzheimer's 19 years earlier and had progressed from a point of being able to do nearly all physical activity herself to the state where she was totally wheelchair bound and not capable of any normal tasks.
He spent much of his time with her but was wise enough to recruit the assistance of aides when her care became too much for him. By the time we met him, he needed aides every day, multiple times a day (he was 83).
We left that facility and have been living in a regular apartment for the past four years. My wife's condition began deteriorating long before we left there but the writing was on the wall about the level of care she would have received if suddenly I were out of the picture.
Reluctantly I agreed to her being placed under Home Hospice Care a year after we moved. That came with both weekly nurse visits and aides 2-3 times per week. I resisted getting aides to help (motivated more by my own ego than other reasons) but soon discovered that their training enabled them to do personal care far more efficiently and effectively than I could. I learned a lot and was able to provide better care for my wife the four days a week when the aides were off. She was discharged from HHC less than a year later and we enjoyed about 18 months of manageable care before a relapse caught us off guard earlier this year. She is once again on HHC but now it is more in line with comfort care rather than restorative care.
You're still in a good situation with your wife because she can do so much on her own. I know you treasure that even with the setbacks that accompany the condition.
All the best to you both.
This is such an honest and true expression of what life with Alzheimer’s and dementia can be like. I have truly learned along the way and made many mistakes too!
Thank you, Tahia. All of us make mistakes. I have been learning by "trial and error." We have no other option.
I love how you took the time to earn her trust and how you respected her feelings and tried to preserve her dignity. Great lessons for me as mom is still able to take care of her daily living activities. Humor is a great way to diffuse anxiety. I'm learning that one daily. 😌 I look forward to hearing more. Thanks and I'm praying for you both. 🙏
Thank you, Sammie. You are further along on this journey than I am and I found this post very helpful. I am grateful that my husband’s trust in me is also strong. I realize it will be critical to maintain that trust as his disease progresses and his needs become greater. I pray I can care for him as well as you are caring for your dear wife.
So much of what you beautifully write goes well beyond Alzheimer's home caregivers, your target group. I believe there's not a home caregiver reading and thinking who wouldn't benefit from your trust-building and gentle, ongoing communication that cements your relationship and captures what's happening in the moment. Your love, care, and concern shine through every word, thought, and action. Thank you for sharing from your heart and helping so many caregivers.❤
Thank you, Cindy. You are very kind.
These are invaluable insights for anyone caring for someone, Sammie.
It's difficult at the start trying to build that trust, and make showering or toileting a 'routine' matter of fact, act. It can be especially awkward for an adult child caring for their parent.
When I think back to the early days of caring for Dad, it was very much as you describe, narrating, asking, reassuring. All to create the same sequence of actions every time.
Later, we'd repeated the sequence so many times that we both did it without thinking - the comfort and familiarity of a well-established routine are priceless. I see this in many of the articles you've shared with us, too, Sammie.
You are right. Building trust is crucial to take care of a loved one.